This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
