the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
