Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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