Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
