I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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