Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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