I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
