she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
