I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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