Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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