I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
