I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
