he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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