PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
