..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
