I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize