i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We need to get me chipped asap
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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