Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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