you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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