last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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