Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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