if you like me you must not know who I am
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
