Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i now understand why vodka
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
