i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
