well you can't waste a boner
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is Oprah even human
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
