He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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