Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
