It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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