last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
