I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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