i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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