This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
