so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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