I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
