I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
