My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
