So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
