if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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