Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
