i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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