My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
