i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
