He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
