Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
