You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
