her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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