This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
