every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
