Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
