why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
