Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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