My first STD was from a foam party
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
