captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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