hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
