i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
