dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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