Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
