Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
