I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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