i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
