i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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