I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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