you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
