You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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