She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
