This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
