I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
