I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize