after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
